Let’s be honest – writing a letter of recommendation feels like being handed a live grenade sometimes. You want to help, but one wrong move and boom, you’ve either hurt someone’s chances or look like a liar. I’ve been there – staring at a blank page at 11 PM wondering how to describe that intern who mostly made coffee. This guide? It’s what I wish I’d had when I wrote my first disastrous rec letter years ago.

The Foundation: What You Absolutely Need Before Writing

Don’t even open that Word doc until you’ve got these three things locked down. Skipping this step is why most letters sound generic.

First, the candidate’s essentials:

• Their updated resume (with specific projects you worked on together circled)
• The exact opportunity they’re applying for (job description, scholarship guidelines, etc.)
• Submission deadlines and format requirements (email? PDF? sealed envelope?)

Questions You Must Ask the Candidate

Put them on the spot – it helps both of you:

• "What’s the single achievement you want me to highlight?"
• "Which of your weaknesses should I address proactively?" (they’ll panic, but push)
• "Any specific skills from the job description I should emphasize?"

This isn’t just busywork. Last month, a student told me her new program valued community service – something I’d have overlooked. We reshaped the whole letter.

Crafting the Letter: Section-by-Section Breakdown

Let’s dissect this like a real document, not some theoretical template. Because writing a letter of recommendation requires structure that works.

The Opening That Doesn’t Sound Like a Robot

Ditch "It is my pleasure..." unless you’re a 19th-century aristocrat. Try:

• "I’ve watched Jamie solve complex problems under tight deadlines for three years – that’s why I’m recommending them without hesitation."
• "When Maria joined our volunteer team, I immediately noticed something rare: [specific trait]."

See the difference? Specificity and human voice matter.

Core Content: The Meat Grinder

This is where most letters die. You need concrete proof, not fluff.

Bad: "Alex is a hard worker."

Good: "When our client moved the deadline up by two weeks, Alex restructured the workflow (creating this Gantt chart), volunteered for Saturday shifts, and delivered the prototype 48 hours early – resulting in a $15K bonus for the team."

Actual numbers. Actual outcomes. That’s gold.

The Comparison Trap

Should you rank them against peers? Carefully. Saying "top 1%" can backfire if unrealistic. Instead:

• "Among the 40 interns we’ve had, Sam is one of only three I’d hire on the spot."
• "Her troubleshooting skills exceed most junior developers I’ve managed."

Critical Do's and Don'ts (From Experience)

After writing 50+ letters, here’s what actually matters:

Special Situation Cheat Sheets

Not all recommendation letters are created equal. Here’s how to adapt:

For Academic Applications

• Focus: Intellectual curiosity, research skills, resilience
• Must include: Specific course/project examples, comparison to peers
• Deadline awareness: Grad schools often have EARLIER internal deadlines

For Job Seekers

• Focus: Impact on business goals, teamwork, problem-solving
• Must include: Metrics (e.g., "boosted sales by 15%", "reduced errors by 40%")
• Watch out: Company policies about sharing revenue data

Real Mistakes I’ve Made (So You Don’t)

Confession time – writing a letter of recommendation isn’t always smooth sailing:

• The vague deadline blunder: "Submit whenever" turned into a 2 AM email scramble when the candidate suddenly remembered it was due in 3 hours.
• The template trap: Used similar phrasing for two students applying to the same program. They compared notes. Awkward.
• The overpromise: Praised leadership skills for a quiet individual contributor. During the reference check, it fell apart.

Learn from my fails.

The Follow-Up: What Nobody Tells You

You hit send. Now what?

• Always notify the candidate (but don’t CC them on the letter!)
• Save a copy – I’ve had employers circle back years later
• If rejected? I sometimes offer gentle feedback: "The committee wanted more project examples"

Last thought: I keep a folder with bullet points on everyone I write for. Makes future letters way easier when they need another one.

FAQs: What People Actually Ask

How long should writing a letter of recommendation take me?

Good ones take 60-90 minutes for someone you know well. If you’re struggling past 30 minutes, you might not know them well enough to write it.

Can I refuse to write a letter?

Absolutely. Say: "I don’t feel I can provide the strong endorsement you deserve." Offer alternatives if possible ("Have you considered asking X?").

Should I share the letter with the candidate?

Generally no – it preserves honesty. Exceptions exist (like academic requirements), but disclose this upfront. I only do it when mandated.

What kills a recommendation letter fastest?

Three things: Typos (shows carelessness), generic praise ("great person!"), and irrelevant details (their high school debate trophies for a software job).

Is emailing acceptable for writing a letter of recommendation?

Increasingly yes, but follow submission rules. For formal programs, I still use signed PDFs on letterhead. When in doubt, ask.

How specific should I get?

Extremely. Instead of "good communicator," describe how they defused the client meltdown on April 23 by restructuring the presentation mid-meeting. Dates and details build credibility.

Final thought: Writing a letter of recommendation is a privilege, not an obligation. When done right, it changes trajectories. My college advisor’s letter got me my first internship. Twenty years later, I still remember his words. That’s the power you hold – use it well.