Okay let's cut through the noise. You're probably here because you heard the term "common law marriage" somewhere – maybe from your great-aunt who insists you're married to your partner after seven years of living together. Or maybe you're worried about legal stuff breaking up. I get it. When I first heard about this, I thought it was some urban legend too. But here's the raw truth: common law marriage is very real in some places, completely fake in others, and loaded with misconceptions that could cost you big time.
What Exactly is a Common Law Marriage?
Simply put? It's a legally binding marriage created without a ceremony or marriage license when certain conditions are met. Unlike that wedding with flowers and cake, this one sneaks up on you through actions and reputation. You become "married" in the eyes of the law just by how you live your life together. Wild, right?
Where This Actually Works (And Where It Doesn't)
Here's where people get tripped up. Only a handful of states recognize new common law marriages anymore. When I was researching this last year, I was shocked how few places actually allow it today. Some states that used to recognize it have phased it out, but still honor old ones created before their cutoff dates.
States Recognizing Common Law Marriage:
- Colorado
- Iowa
- Kansas
- Montana
- New Hampshire*
- South Carolina
- Texas
- Utah
*Only for inheritance purposes after death
| State | Special Requirements | Cutoff Date (If Applicable) |
|---|---|---|
| Texas | Must sign declaration form | Still recognized |
| Colorado | Public representation as spouses essential | None |
| South Carolina | Split on whether still recognized | Post-2019 cases uncertain |
See what I mean? Messy. And if you move? Here's the kicker – even if you started in Texas, moving to California won't dissolve it. That marriage travels with you. Scary when you think about it.
The Real Requirements – More Than Just Shacking Up
Forget that "seven year rule" nonsense. That's total myth. What really matters? Three big things courts care about:
- Capacity: Both legal age, not married to others, mentally competent
- Intent: Seriously planning to be spouses, not roommates
- Holding Out: Telling everyone you're married (friends, family, bank, DMV)
That last one? Crucial. My cousin learned this hard way in Colorado. She and her guy lived together 10 years, filed joint taxes – thought they were golden. But they always introduced each other as "partner" not "husband/wife." When he died, his family blocked her inheritance claims. Court said they never held themselves out as married. Devastating.
Proving You're Common Law Married
No license means you need evidence. Lots of it. Courts want paperwork that screams "married couple":
- Joint bank accounts with both names
- Leases/mortgages listing you as spouses
- Insurance policies naming each other
- Signed affidavits from friends and family
- Wills referring to each other as spouses
- Social media posts calling each other "husband/wife"
Notice what's missing? Time requirements. No state demands specific cohabitation years. Still, most couples who qualify have been together 5+ years. But technically? Could be six months if you check all boxes.
Why This Matters – The Good and Ugly
So what does being common law married actually get you? Honestly, it's a mixed bag.
| Benefit | Formal Marriage | Common Law Marriage |
|---|---|---|
| Property Division | Yes | Yes (in recognizing states) |
| Inheritance Rights | Automatic | Must prove marriage status |
| Health Insurance | Easier access | Employer discretion |
| Divorce Requirement | Always | Always |
| Tax Filing | Joint filing | Joint filing (if proved) |
Harsh truth time: The biggest downside? You can't just walk away. Breaking up requires an actual divorce with asset division, maybe alimony. I've seen bitter court battles where one person claims "we were married!" years after splitting. Nightmare fuel.
How to Get Out – Yes, Divorce Applies
This shocks people. If you establish a valid common law marriage in Texas or Montana, ending it isn't just moving out. You must file for divorce. Period. Otherwise:
- Future earnings could be considered marital property
- New marriages might be invalid (bigamy charges!)
- Debts remain entangled
A friend in Denver went through this. She thought leaving after 8 years meant freedom. Two years later? He sued for half her business startup claiming common law marriage. Court agreed because they'd filed joint taxes. Cost her $100k+ in legal fees and settlement.
Myths That Won't Die
Let's bust some persistent fairy tales:
- Myth: Cohabitation = automatic marriage after X years
Truth: Without intent and public representation? Never happens. - Myth: Having kids together creates common law marriage
Truth: Parental rights ≠ marital status. Different laws. - Myth: You get half their stuff automatically
Truth: Only marital property acquired during union. Separate property stays separate.
Situations Where This Gets Really Messy
Think estate battles are bad? Try these real scenarios:
Death Without a Will
If your unrecognized common law spouse dies intestate? Their family could inherit everything. You'd have to sue to prove marriage status while grieving. Saw this tear apart a Kansas family last year.
Moving States Later
Created in Texas then moved to Florida? Florida doesn't recognize new ones but must honor existing valid marriages. You're still married! But try explaining that to confused neighbors.
Medical Emergencies
Hospitals don't automatically accept "common law spouse" status. Without paperwork, you might be barred from medical decisions. Carry notarized affidavits if this is your situation.
Practical Advice If You're Living Together
Look, if you're in a recognizing state and don't want marriage? Protect yourself:
- Sign cohabitation agreements (like prenups for unmarrieds)
- Explicitly tell people "we're partners, not spouses"
- Keep finances mostly separate
- Consult a family lawyer – seriously worth $300 consult
If you do want the protections? Make it official! The paperwork hassle beats proof battles later. One couple I know in Utah actually held a tiny ceremony just to get witness statements. Smart move.
Your Top Common Law Marriage Questions Answered
Does filing joint taxes create common law marriage?
Not alone, but it's strong evidence of intent. Combined with other factors? Could seal the deal in court.
Can same-sex couples have common law marriages?
Absolutely. Same requirements apply in recognizing states. Post-Obergefell, all states must recognize valid ones.
How long do you have to live together?
Zero days required legally! But practically? Courts expect cohabitation plus the other elements. Short relationships rarely qualify.
What if we break up then reconcile later?
Depends. If you kept presenting as married during separation? Maybe still bound. Generally though, clear breakup ends it unless you re-establish.
Does it affect immigration status?
USCIS doesn't recognize common law marriage for immigration benefits. You'll need a formal marriage certificate.
Can you convert to formal marriage later?
Sure! Just get a license and solemnize. Some counties even waive waiting periods if you prove existing union.
The Bottom Line Reality
So what is a common law marriage actually? It's a legal backdoor with teeth. Handy if you deliberately create it and understand the consequences. Dangerous if it happens by accident. Either way, never assume anything – get specifics for your state. And if you're in doubt? Talk to a local attorney. Seriously, that consultation fee could save you a lifetime of headaches.
What surprised me most researching this? How many couples in recognizing states have no clue about their legal status. They argue over dishes while accidentally building marital rights. Wild stuff. Now you know better.